The Baby Borrowers, Episode 2

Intro. We get a short recap of the first episode. Mr. Announcer Man gives the lowdown about the teens and the situation. Then he tells us that “5 families handed over their most precious thing of all.” People handed over their Wii’s to these teens???!?? Oh, you meant their kids. Sorry, my bad. We’re re-introduced to the usual suspects. Kelsey and Sean, she being the one who wants kids early, he wanting her to fall flat on her face so that she’ll quit with the baby talk. Morgan and Daton, who decided that going on this reality show was the way to save their on-again, off-again relationship (because this kind of thinking works out for most couples, right?). Sasha and Jordan, out to prove to the world that they can do this. Cory and Alicea, who “loved the idea of having babies young, just like their own parents.” You know, after Alicea’s stellar display in the last episode, I’m not sure she should be the poster child for children raised by young parents. Just saying. And last, but not least, Austin and Kelly. More recrapping follows. Blah, blah, blah. Then credits and, at last, the show.

It’s 3:14 in the morning and Cory is awakened by a crying Karson, while Alicea continues to get her beauty sleep (insert your joke here). Cut to the sun rising with Cory still taking care of Karson while Alicea stays in la-la land. Good times, ya’ll. Mr. Annoucer Man voiceovers that one teen from each couple will have to go to work today. We see Morgan and Daton in bed with Morgan asking Daton not to go to work. Oh Morgan, if only it were that easy. Alicea continues to display the winning attitude that will garner her the “Mother of the Year” award as she shows an inability and lack of desire to mix up cereal for baby Karson. Poor kid – he’s going to have serious feeding issues if he stays around Alicea any longer. That and a complete potty mouth.

Sean and Kelsey. Kelsey is not feeling well and asks Sean to stay home with her and baby Etta. While I feel for Kelsey, one of the realities of parenthood is that you really don’t get time off. I remember when my own son was 4.5 months old and both Scott and I got the stomach flu – Two days of sheer misery compounded by having to take care of an infant. Thank goodness Ian was (and is) such a boobaholic – it made taking care of him soo much easier.

Mr. Announcer Man (hereafter referred to as Mr. AM) tells us that each teen worker will earn $100 per day, with which they have to buy food and pay rent. Ouch. Cut to Karson crying as Cory attempts to feed him. Karson’s mom, watching all of this via video, states that there is no way she is going to allow Karson to spend the whole day alone with Alicea. Lucky for Karson (and his mama), Alicea has decided to go to work, leaving Cory at home with the baby. Has anyone warned Alicea’s employer about the baby that will be coming to work for them? Over at Sean and Kelsey’s, both of them are staying home, forgoing the princely sum of $100. Oh, Kelsey. And you thought your stomach hurts right now. Just wait until it’s completely empty because there’s no money for food.

The jobs! Austin is working at a “feed and pet store.” Jordan is employed at a vet hospital. We see that one of his first assignments was pulling maggots out of a rabbit’s butt. That job sounds infinitely better than having to deal with either Alicea or Kelly. Daton’s working at a coffee shop. And Alicea? She’s working at a lumber yard, and having considerable trouble stapling boards together. Insert your own dumb-as-a-post joke here.

Sean and Kelsey’s. Kelsey appears quite upset and could probably use a pep talk and some cheering up. Instead, she gets a visit from Etta’s mom, Natalie. *sigh* You know, I realize that this is a learning experience and all, but was it really necessary for Natalie to come over and give poor Kelsey the reality kick-in-the-head when the girl is already down? Having Natalie give Kelsey an inspirational talk about child-rearing is like having Naomi Campbell give a talk about anger management.

Kelly, amazingly enough, is doing well with baby Zachary. Perhaps it’s because he can speak her language? Kelly relates that she was in daycare as a baby, and she feels that she is more connected as stay-at-home-mom with Zachary than she was with her own mom. She has been with this kid for all of maybe 2 days and she is more connected with him than her mom because her mom put her in daycare. Um, okay. Zachary’s parents are watching and his mom says, jokingly, “Don’t get too attached, he’s our kid.” Heh. Why am I having flashes of “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle?”

Kelly and Cory decide to take their infants to a nearby park. Karson, apparently relaxed now that he is out of the house that Alicea screeches in, makes a poopy diaper. Kelly offers instruction to Cory on how to change the diaper. We are treated to scenes of Karson’s blurred out bum being wiped by a clearly disgusted Cory. In his amazing wisdom, Cory shares with us that a poopy diaper “is just like throw up.” Really? I’m afraid to find out what you’ve been eating, Cory. “I gagged so much from it. Just the smell of it, the look of it, it just makes me sick.” Yeah, and the rest of us treat a poopy diaper like fine art.

Five o’clock. The worker teens go home. Austin and Kelly have a cute scene where they kiss and reconnect with each other. Cory and Alicea? Not so much. Cory appears to be attempting to give Alicea an ultimatum about her needing to do more with Karson. As can be expected, that goes swimmingly. Daton comes home and says that he wants to go to a skate park. Morgan replies that she wants to come too; she and Miley will walk around on the edge of the park. Daton seems just thrilled with the idea and tries to convince Morgan to stay home with Miley, but it doesn’t work. In an interview, Daton tells us that he has only worked 8 hours in a day “like, 5 days in my life.” What a difficult life you lead.

It’s nighttime. The clock at Cory and Alicea’s shows us it is 1:46 in the morning as we hear baby Karson start to cry. Cory tells Alicea to go get Karson because he was up with Karson the night before and is tired. Predictably, Alicea stays in bed and Cory has to go get Karson. He brings him to the bed and entertains Karson with the lights on while Alicea continues to snooze. In an interview, Cory states: “Right now, I don’t know who is more difficult to deal with out of Alicea and Karson.” In Karson’s defense, at least he has a decent excuse for acting like a baby.

Morning. Alicea (who remarkably looks much better without makeup) is not wanting to go to work. She wants Cory to go , complaining that she is getting blisters on her feet and they hurt. Well, pop the suckers and get your ass back to work! I don’t think Workman’s Comp covers for blisters. Cory, pushover that he is, gets up and starts packing a lunch for himself as Alicea asks how to mix baby cereal. When a half-dead Cory doesn’t answer her, she has the balls to bitch about him. Cory, my man, take your balls back and RUN!

Sean and Kelsey’s. Mr. AM says that following her “heart-to-heart” with Etta’s mom, Kelsey has decided the best way to be a parent is to go to work. Snerk. What did I say about Natalie’s pep talk? Sean, helpfully, says to Kelsey, “Don’t get fired.” Wow, between Natalie’s pep talk and Sean’s optimism, Kelsey must be full of warm fuzzies.

The stay-at-home moms and dads gather up the kiddoes and head over to The Little Gym. We are treated to the sight of a clearly uncomfortable Sean sitting on the floor with Etta. He looks like he is having flashbacks of every single gym class during which they had to play dodgeball and he forgot to dodge. Morgan is not feeling the class. She remarks about how the other parents were so into it and she wasn’t. Heh. I guess someone’s not drinking the kool-aid (my guess is that Mr. Daton drank it all).

Surprise! One parent of one teen in each couple shows up unannounced. Sean’s mom, Sherry, giddily hugs him after he opens the door, while Sean looks like he has no idea who this crazy woman standing on the doorstep is. I think he’s still dealing with those dodgeball flashbacks. Myra, Sasha’s mother, surprises Sasha and Jordan. We are treated to a happy reunion between mom and daughter. Morgan’s reunion with her mother, Leisa is decidedly more low-key. Morgan looks like she would rather get a hug from a 20-foot-long boa constrictor than her mother. I just noticed that Morgan looks an awful lot like Kelly Clarkson. At this moment, she looks an awful lot like Kelly Clarkson getting a surprise visit from Simon Cowell. Morgan asks how long her mother is there for – 3 hours. Morgan does not seem happy.

Alicea’s mother has dropped in on the happy couple. Her mom asks her, “Do you want to have baby now?” Alicea responds, “Yeah, but my own.” Her mom replies that Alicea’s child may not be “chill” and may have colic. I am not in the least bit surprised when she passes on the tidbit that Alicea, as an infant, “was just a pain in the biggest ass.” Heh. Corey makes a sound indicating that Alicea still is the biggest pain in the ass. Alicea complains that they have a sucky job and a kid who won’t stop crying. Alicea’s mom gives her a dose of reality about how things don’t always go the way you want them to. Yeah, Cory could write you a book about that one.

Sasha’s mom, Myra, gushes about how proud she is of Sasha and Jordan for being as mature as they are. She talks about how close she and Sasha are and how much she misses her. Less Mommy dear and more Mommy Dearest, we cut to Morgan and her mom, Leisa, as Leisa asks why Morgan isn’t excited to see her. Emotional maturity appears to be a strong suit with this family. Guess who said the next line: “I came here to be real. If you are not willing to open up to me and express how you feel, then forget it.” If you guessed Leisa, the actual mommy, you get 5 points!! Morgan responds, “No Mom! Why don’t you ask me about my life or what’s going on with me?” “Ok, what’s going on with you?” Seriously, I’m having a hard time figuring out which one is the mom and which one is the kid. Outside the house, Leisa interviews that she doesn’t know how Morgan is feeling because Morgan isn’t telling her. Um, I’m going to guess that Morgan is seriously pissed off at her mom right then, and I didn’t even have to consult a Magic 8 Ball to figure it out. I am feeling bad for Morgan at this moment. And pissed off that I’m feeling bad for any of these teens.

Morning. The infants will be returned to their parents this morning. Kelly says that she hopes she will be able to see Zachary again in a couple of years. I’m telling you, unhealthy attachments…little Zachary is going to have to go into Witness Protection or something. We next see the happy reunions. And 'i have to say, sap that I have become, I find myself tearing up. But then, Wiley and Leslie, Miley’s parents, decide to give Morgan advice about her relationship with her mom. Buh-bye tears! Wiley spouts some nonsense about Morgan wanting and/or needing her mom when it comes time to give birth, and I find myself thinking: Wiley, dude? Ok, one, you’re a dude, so please don’t lecture Morgan about what she will or will not need when it’s time to give birth, m’kay? Two, you got to see Morgan with her mom for all of 3 hours, if that, and suddenly you’re the expert on them and what needs to happen? Geez, I know we get wisdom from raising kids, but we don’t suddenly get the power to see into the past and future, ok? So quit with the annoying giving of advice about things you know nothing about. That’s MY profession!

Kelly and Austin get props from Zachary’s parents, as Sasha and Jordan get them from Shay’s parents. Cory and Alicea? Not so much. The words “selfish” and “angry” are thrown around. But it doesn’t seem as though Alicea is really comprehending any of it. *sigh*

Chet and Debbie Downer, er, Natalie, reclaim Etta from Kelsey and Sean. They do a great job squashing poor Kelsey’s self-esteem further into the ground. Mission accomplished, they take Etta with them off into the sunset.

And that concludes the infant portion of NBC’s grand experiment. Breathe a sigh of relief that no one died, was maimed, or otherwise permanently harmed. Except for possibly, poor wee Karson. Someone get that kid a lollipop!

Because Every Sperm is Sacred...

My, my, my. It just seems that George W. Bush feels as if his administration hasn’t wreaked enough havoc in the lives of his fellow Americans. If things weren’t bad enough, what with the economy tanking and the pointless war in Iraq continuing to drain lives and resources (for starters), Georgie boy has decided that the world is such a gosh-darned-great place that women should be denied access to contraception if it suits their doctor or pharmacist.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, George W. Bush has done such a bang up job taking care of his already-born constituents that his administration has the time and resources to turn their attention towards the unicellular, future Americans. This Reuters article provides details about a proposed rule that it being discussed within the Department of Health and Human Services Department that would strip federal funding for any facility that requires its doctors and/or pharmacists to provide “abortion” procedures. And the definition of abortion is encompassing enough to cover birth control pills, intra-uterine devices (IUDs), as well as the morning-after pill.

According to the article, the memo reads: "The Department proposes to define abortion as 'any of the various procedures -- including the prescription and administration of any drug or the performance of any procedure or any other action -- that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after implantation.’” See, this is what happens when you have cronies making rules, instead of experts or even, you know, people who have taken biology. Because if someone with half a brain had perused the document before sending it out, he or she might have pointed out the birth control pills are designed to keep a woman from ovulating. So, birth control pills (unless taken as Plan B, also known as the morning-after pill) couldn’t be considered a form of abortion, even by DHHS’ twisted logic.

Also from the article: “Health and Human Services officials declined to confirm the proposal, but noted their responsibility to protect against discrimination of doctors and pharmacists who object to abortion or birth control on religious or moral grounds.” Excuse me? Look, far be it from me to tell somebody else how to live his or her life and how to choose a profession, but if you have a moral or ethical problem with a large part of your job duties, maybe it’s time to choose a different profession. I would have loved to have been a veterinarian, you know, except for the whole having to put animals to sleep thing. Probably a good thing I didn’t follow that vocation, because I’m sure some pet owner would be thrilled to hear me, as a vet, say to them, “I am so sorry Mr. Schmo that your beloved dog Trixie got hit by a car and is suffering horribly from irreparable internal bleeding, but it’s against my beliefs to put her to sleep. At least you can take solace in the fact that I’m not being discriminated against, right?” The idea that a pharmacist – someone who is not my doctor and is not privy to my medical history – can pretty much make a medical decision for me by refusing to fill a prescription because it is against his or her beliefs is insane. What’s next? Scientologist pharmacists don’t have to fill prescriptions for psychotropic medications? The only people being discriminated against are those who are not in a position to take their prescriptions or themselves elsewhere because of geographic or financial reasons.

This just disgusts me. What happened to government trying to make the lives of its citizens better? What about equality? Will the Bush administration also go to bat for pharmacists who refuse to dispense Viagra or Cialis? How about doctors who refuse to administer vaccinations, seeing as how many contain the cells of aborted fetuses? Where does it end? And could someone please explain why the bodies and choices of women were deemed to be a good starting place for this exercise in paternalistic hogwash?

The "O" Word

Call it a character flaw of mine...I get hung up on words. I'm hoping that may help to explain why this quote, made by Angelina Jolie's obstetrician, Dr. Michael Sussman, rubbed me the wrong way:

"She (Jolie) is a patient who was totally obedient, very calm, very kind."

"Totally obedient?" Ugh!! I suppose that a doctor might see total obedience as a positive thing, but that quote just reeks of paternalism. Maybe it's just me, but total obedience doesn't sound like a positive thing in the least, unless you're talking about your dog.

"Totally obedient." I guess Angelina Jolie isn't quite the badass, fight-the-power Momma the press has made her out to be. Or maybe it's just me and my tendency to question authority.

"Totally obedient." Man, I hope no one ever uses that phrase to describe me. You know, unless I had a lobotomy or something.

The Baby Borrowers: Episode 1

So, The Baby Borrowers. I just couldn’t help myself. Thanks to NBC.com, I got to watch the schadenfreude in all its glory. And of course, write down my thoughts. What follows is a type of transcript of my thoughts on one July night when I was having a bout of insomnia.

*ahem*

Episode 1 of The Baby Borrowers. Roll credits.

First, we meet some of the couples. There is Kelsey and Sean from New Hampshire. Kelsey thinks she’s ready for marriage and family. Sean? Not so much. Kelsey hopes that this experience will lead to Sean liking kids more. Sean states that he hopes the experience on the show will show Kelsey that she is not ready to have kids just yet. Kelsey’s response to Sean: “We can do anything. You know we can.” Oh, yeah? Try licking your own elbow. Pfft. The optimism and ignorance of youth.

Next we meet Austin and Kelly, “a preppy Southern couple from Georgia with traditional values.” We are treated to scenes of the two of them playing tennis. Ah, sports. I remember playing sports with my husband, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Of course, having an ankle-biter clinging to your leg and crying “Ma-ma” makes it really difficult to play volleyball, so it’s been a while. Just thought I’d put that out there. Kelly says, “I am ready to be a parent because I am good with kids.” Why do I sense that these words will come back and bite Miss Kelly in the butt at some point?

At this point, the 5 couples pull up to their houses. Can I just say that these houses are far nicer than a lot of the houses that most people who are adults with actual jobs can afford? I mean, completely furnished, beautifully decorated, cul-de-sac lot – the works. Where is the reality in that?

We are then introduced to Daton and Morgan, two surfers from San Diego. They are described as having a “turbulent relationship.” Daton states that they were about to break-up, but “decided that this experiment would be one of the best tests for our relationship.” Clearly, critical thinking skills are not his forte.

Texans Jordan and Sasha are not doing the show to prove to themselves that they can do it. Nope, as Sasha states, they are doing it to prove to their families “I have to prove to my parents that I can do this by myself without their help.” Yeah, Sasha, and going on a show where everything is handed to you on a silver platter is really going to do that.

Last but not least, we meet Cory and Alicea, also from Texas. Alicea informs us that she thinks it should be easier for younger people to be parents because they can understand the kids better. Ok, let’s see how that one plays out.

We watch as the teens unpack their belongings and settle into their houses. Cory complains about disliking the childproof drawer latches in the bathroom. Whoa, whoa, whoa – they didn’t have to do their own babyproofing?!? Hello, as my husband can attest to, part of the “fun” of parenting is trying to figure out how to install those darn things (double points if you’re trying to install them while you kid is *ahem* helping). These teens are being given houses, jobs, AND babyproofing? I call shenanigans.

As we cut to commercial break, large packages are left on the doorstep of each house at daybreak on Day 2. After the commercial, we find out that the box does not, in fact, contain a baby (shucks, there went my guess). Rather, they contain empathy bellies, which as the note in each box states: “This is a pregnancy belly. It accurately replicates the feelings and discomforts of pregnancy.” Ok, unless the belly causes heartburn, kicks you in the ribs, and breakdances on your bladder all at the same time, I don’t think it accurately replicates squat. The females are required to wear it for one day and are not supposed to take it off except to shower. Oh, come on!! Half the fun of being pregnant is attempting to shave your legs when you can’t even find them thanks to a huge belly being in the way! And yes, I use the word “fun” quite loosely there.
The teens are given a few hours to get used to the “pregnancy” before they are supposed to head off to a local hospital for baby care classes. Kelly, however, is not taking pregnancy well and does not want to go to the class, instead locking herself in the bathroom. The other girls try to talk to Kelly, who has taken off the empathy belly, but Kelly refuses to put the belly back on and go to the baby class. Austin tries to convince her to come to the class, but he eventually goes to the class by himself. Ah, yes, the actual children have not even arrived yet and Kelly is already displaying her amazing maturity.

We next see the teens (sans Kelly) at a baby care class in a hospital. I have to give points for authenticity in that several of the females are seen sitting on birthing balls during the class. The teens are treated to watching a mannequin give birth and then are given electronic babies to care for. Judging by the way they are feeding/holding/looking at the babies, I really have to question the wisdom of the actual parents for allowing their infants to be cared for by the teens. But that’s just me.

Kelly is being interviewed. The empathy belly is lying on the floor and she says that wearing it made her feel ugly and she was not going to leave the house wearing it. Yeah, because when you’re actually pregnant and none of your clothes fit, you haven’t seen your feet in weeks, and your boobs could qualify for their own zip code, it’s really that easy to take a timeout and go back to not being pregnant. Kelly is sooo not ready to have a kid. She further explains that Austin was not being “nice” because he went to the baby class without her. Kelly, you should be thanking your lucky stars that one of you is learning about caring for a baby, though it does seem that maybe Austin had previous experience with it, considering he’s been with Kelly for over a year. At any rate, Kelly thanks Austin for being the responsible one by getting pissy with him when he returns home. Well, at least she’s got that bit down pat.

All of the soon-to-be parents are then surprised with nurseries full of boxes that contain baby furniture and supplies. While Jordan very sweetly puts the crib together by himself after telling Sasha to rest, Kelly reams out Austin yet again. Kelly complains that she wants someone “who respects me and doesn’t laugh at me.” Oooh, sounds like a tall order, Kel. Austin apologizes several times to Kelly, and in a masterful stroke, says that he looks up to Kelly as his teacher over the next few days because he hasn’t really been around little kids. Oh, come on Austin, give yourself some credit for spending time with Kelly! Kelly then asks/tells Austin to wear the empathy belly, and Austin agrees. Austin not only wears the empathy belly around the house, he wears it to the supermarket. Oh, Austin. *sigh* You seem like a really sweet, caring young guy. Don’t let Kelly take advantage that.

Day 3: The babies arrive (and no, I don’t mean Kelly). Jordan and Sasha are entrusted to care for 11-month-old Shay. Shay’s mother goes over Shay’s schedule with the teens and gives them some hints on caring for the tyke. Man, I wish my baby had come with that kind of book! He’s 15-months-old and is still quite unpredictable! 7-month-old Karson is dropped off with Cory and Alicea. Sean and Kelsey are introduced to 6-month-old Etta. Even before the hand-off, young Etta uses her babydar to sense the peril she is being placed in and starts crying. Sean, wearing a quite fashionable deer-in-the-headlights look, states that he doesn’t think he is ready for this. Um, Sean? I think that is what the producers of this show were counting on. Infant Miley is placed in the care of Daton and Morgan. Miley’s mother remarks that Daton and Morgan seem quite young, leading me to question whether she is aware of the premise of the show that she signed her baby girl up for. Last, but not least, baby Zachary is dropped off with Kelly and Austin.

The males decide to go shopping for baby needs at the nearby Albertsons, and they are quickly dazzled by the sheer variety of options. The females, meanwhile, are spending time with their new little ones. Already, Alicea seems ready to throw in the towel with a fussy Karson, commenting “I’ve never had a baby that screamed so much in my life.” Oh, honey. That? Is not bad. It can get much, much worse. Alicea complains that Karson is a “trouble” and a “grouch,” before proceeding to drop the f-bomb. Ah, the joys of parenthood. The men return home with their purchases and much product placement ensues. Morgan does a poor job washing the Born Free bottles Daton has brought home and leaves Daton to wash and sanitize them. In an interview, she states that it is confusing because one minute they are getting along and the next minute they’re not. Wow – there really is some reality here!

Meanwhile, Alicea makes a lame attempt to feed a fussy, teething Karson before giving up, saying, “Fine, starve.” Karson’s mother, who has been watching on a monitor, is shocked. Shocked. Shocked! I tell you, that some teenager who signed up for a reality show is doing a poor job of taking care of her child. She decides to intervene. And lecture. Alicea does not take well to this, and after Karson’s mom leaves, Alicea hands off the responsibility of feeding the little guy to Cory. In an interview, Alicea say, “I was pissed. We’re supposed to be able to learn from this, not to be criticized or bitched out for no reason.” Ok, Alicea? Hon? In order to learn, it’s generally wise to get help when you can’t figure something out. And you? Didn’t know jack about caring for little Karson. Second, you weren’t criticized “for no reason.” You were not meeting a basic need of a helpless infant because it was too frustrating for you. While the penny lecture might have been out of line, the rest of it was totally called for. Alicea then informs Cory that she is not going to deal with Karson anymore.

Over at Jordan and Sasha’s, baby Shay has a poopy diaper. Jordan, to his credit, makes a great attempt at changing the diaper, while Shay has a look on his face that betrays his lack of trust in Jordan’s diaper-changing skills. But, surprisingly, all goes well and Shay’s diaper gets changed with little drama.

At Daton and Morgan’s, baby Miley is having a tough time. In a well-intentioned attempt to make Miley feel better, Daton and Morgan go from room to room with her, trying to engage in her in a variety of activities. Poor Miley. Probably all that she wants is a good cuddle and some quiet humming. Cut to Miley crying in her highchair before she projectile vomits onto the tray. Yikes!! All I can say is thank goodness I never had to experience that one!

A strange turn of events is unfolding at Sean and Kelsey’s. It seems that Sean is actually warming up to baby Etta. In fact, Etta seems to prefer Sean over Kelsey (you know the producers were high-fiving each other over that one). Kelsey is quite put out by this.

That evening, the couples are informed via note that they must each choose one partner to go to work the next day. Alicea informs Cory that she will be going to work, much to the relief of baby Karson.

Miley continues to be quite upset, and her father, Wiley (yes, really. Miley and Wiley), comes to the house to try and calm her down. Miley cheers up and starts smiling and crawling around, probably thinking that her daddy is there to save her from the hyperactive surfer people. Boy, is she going to be in for a rude awakening! In an interview, Daton states, “Wiley said to me, her dad, just be patient and I really thought about that and like yeah, I need to be calm and patient like the baby can pick up probably on me being like so nervous and stressed so that’s what I was trying to go by, me being patient.” Dude like seriously said that using 3 breaths – I don’t think he would know calm or patient unless he was given a killer sedative. I’m just saying. Daton then tries out his “calm,” and to his credit, it is a lot less manic than before Wiley visited, but still way too keyed up to be relaxing. Morgan is rocking Miley in her arms (quite vigorously) as Daton says to Miley that she only has to put up with them for three days. Miley commences crying. Seriously. Hee.

Baby Etta is having a difficult time going to sleep. Sean, being ever so helpful, suggests putting Etta in her crib to cry so that he and Kelsey can get some sleep while wearing earplugs; at one point, he refers to Etta as “it.” Natalie, Etta’s mom, is upset that neither Kelsey nor Sean have done anything to prepare Etta for bed and are considering letting her cry. She goes to the house and asks to speak with them. Then she reams them out for not bathing, changing, or feeding a bedtime bottle to Etta, all of which makes sense. But she also proceeds to criticize Sean for calling Etta “it.” Huh? Of all the battles, that’s one you want to pick? Someone’s looking for a little extra screen time. Kelsey is upset about Natalie’s intervention, but Sean, loving boyfriend that he is, thinks it’s brilliant because now Kelsey might be rethinking wanting to have a kid. Oh Kelsey, yes, please rethink having a kid – especially the part about having it with Sean.

We end the episode with a veritable symphony of crying nighttime babies. *sigh* Aren’t babies so much fun, guys?

What exactly does the "M" in AMA Stand For?

Let me preface this blog entry by saying this really pisses me off.

The American Medical Association (AMA) recently recommended a resolution in which they want states to pass legislation that discourages homebirth and certified professional midwives. In essence, they are trying to restrict the choice – nay, the right – of every woman to choose the type of birth that they want. This is wrong on so many levels. Hiding behind concerns for the safety of women and their babies, the AMA is transparently trying to decrease the competition that doctors – namely obstetricians – may have to deal with when it comes to labor and delivery.

What makes me say that? Why am I not taking the AMA at its word that this isn’t about money or greed or anything other than babies and mommies? Dissecting the resolution itself gives a clue.

Let’s start at the beginning.

“Whereas, Twenty-one states currently license midwives to attend home births, all using the certified professional midwife (CPM) credential (CPM or "lay” midwives), not the certified midwives (CM) credential which both the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and American College of Nurse Midwives (ACNM)” Yes, 21 states do currently license CPMs, most of whom primarily do homebirths. Are women and babies dying left and right from homebirths gone terribly wrong in those states? No – in fact, the statistics bear out that more injury/death occurs within the hospital setting. CPMs are professionals – professionals in dealing with normal pregnancy and birth. They have gone to school, they have been trained, and they have passed certifications. They are not crazy old women running breathlessly into a home and demanding somebody boil water! They are professionals who know how to let normal labor and delivery progress and when to seek the resources of a hospital and obstetrician.

And for those midwives who do play by the rules of ACOG and AMA, what kind of support do they get? Well, for one, I can tell you that they get kicked to the curb if they are too successful and start bleeding away business from the obstetricians and the operating rooms. Here in Charlotte, NC, a lot of the community is to the point of being up in arms over a policy change at Presbyterian Hospital-Huntersville that restricts certified nurse-midwives from attending vaginal birth after cesareans (VBACs). It is common knowledge that one particular CNM has close to a 100% success and safety record for VBACs – her reward for working so tirelessly to help women achieve vaginal birth? She had her VBAC privileges taken away. I wonder if the fact that the c-section rate for the group practice of head of obstetrics at PHH is at 40% had anything to do with that decision…

“Whereas, There has been much attention in the media by celebrities having home deliveries, with recent Today Show headings such as “Ricki Lake takes on baby birthing industry: Actress and former talk show host shares her at-home delivery in new film”. Oh, heaven forbid that women should become aware that *gasp* there are options out there other than a medically-managed hospital birth! If we’re talking about celebrity bringing attention to birthing options, let’s talk about celebrities like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera having elective c-sections; a recent study showed that c-sections account for the recent increase in premature births in the US. Funny how the AMA and ACOG aren’t issuing statements about possible celebrity influence on that birth trend.

“Whereas, An apparently uncomplicated pregnancy or delivery can quickly become very complicated in the setting of maternal hemorrhage, shoulder dystocia, eclampsia or other obstetric emergencies, necessitating the need for rigorous standards, appropriate oversight of obstetric providers, and the availability of emergency care, for the health of both the mother and the baby during a delivery”. Yeah, and a routine car trip to the local supermarket could lead to traumatic brain injury, hemorrhage, loss of limb, or death. But last time I checked, my car didn’t come equipped with a trauma team.

"RESOLVED, That our American Medical Association support the recent American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) statement that `the safest setting for labor, delivery, and the immediate post-partum period is in the hospital, or a birthing center within a hospital complex, that meets standards jointly outlined by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and ACOG, or in a freestanding birthing center that meets the standards of the Accreditation Association for Ambulatory Health Care, The Joint Commission, or the American Association of Birth Centers’”Ok, guys? I know you all went to medical school and went through residency and all, but here’s a tidbit I’d like to pass along: just because you say something doesn’t mean it’s true. In 2005, the BMJ published a large study showing that homebirth is as safer or even safer than a hospital birth for low-risk women. In fact, homebirth is considered so safe for low-risk women, the British health system is encouraging more women to birth at home.

I’m not saying that all women should have homebirths. Far from it – I think women should have choices in birthing and be informed that they have choices. If a woman wants to have a super-medicalized, pitocin-induced, flat-on-her-back-pushing birth, she should go for it. But the same should go for a low-risk woman who wants to have few to zero interventions and give birth in place that isn’t meant for sick people. And sadly, the latter woman is likely to have fewer choices and options, as well as support, even though her choice is just as valid and may even result in a better outcome for both mom and child.

Starting Over

Well, my last blog has lost its home. Egoweblog is shutting down effective August 31. Which is the reason I have packed my proverbial bags and headed over here. *sigh* The joys of getting used to a new interface...well, as they say, the more things change...

Just so things don't seem so empty, I think I will move over some of my most recent posts.

I really hate moving.