Cripes! They found me!

By "they" I mean the formula companies. Since I did not have a baby registry with this pregnancy and did not birth at a hospital, I thought for sure that the formula companies would not know about my potential source of income for them, er, my bouncing baby boy. But wouldn't you know what showed up in the mail two days ago?

A formula sample kit from Enfamil.

And then today, a glossy "magazine" from Enfamil titled "Nourishing Dreams."

On the inside cover is an ad (well, the whole thing is an ad, but permit me to indulge the sham that the glossy is somehow a legitimate publication) touting Enfamil Premium as a way "you can do more to give him a solid foundation." Hey, Enfamil? You know what I am doing to give my son a solid foundation? I'm breastfeeding him.

On the first page, there is a short paragraph about the challenges of motherhood: "There are round-the-clock feedings, dozens of diaper changes, and a scarcity of sleep...we thought you could still use a little help." Dude, Enfamil is going to clean the house and make dinner for me?!?! No? They're just going to push formula? Oh, drat.

Several pages later is an "article" titled "Your Fuss-Free Guide to Supplementing." Some excerpts: "Why do so many moms supplement?" Ooh, ooh, I know!! I know!! Is it because formula companies have done a bang up job making breastfeeding seem unnecessary and supporting outdated ideas about breastfeeding? Not to mention, the fact that formula companies in the United States shower expecting and new moms with free formula and coupons during the first few critical weeks of breastfeeding in an effort to thwart breastfeeding success? "Supplementing gives you certain freedoms." Oh, drats, I guess I was wrong. "You can hand off feeding to Dad or Grandma, or go back to work without the hassle of pumping." Yeah, but then comes the hassle of trying to keep your milk supply up when baby is filling up on formula and doesn't want to nurse as much because the formula digests far more slowly than breastmilk. Of course, when your supply begins to drop because baby isn't nursing as often, rest assured, you can always buy him some more formula.

Next up: "A 60-Second Introduction to Formula." One benefit of formula feeding: "This way, Dad can get in on the act, too!" Because, you know, Dad couldn't get in on the act by changing diapers or playing with the baby at other times. One of the pieces of advice given here is "if adding a bottle here and there makes you a calmer, happier mom, that will benefit your baby too." You know what else generally makes for a calmer, happier mom? Valium. Maybe all new mothers should be prescribed Valium, as, hey, if it makes mom calmer and happier, it might benefit baby too!

Yeah.

So, how exactly did I get on the list to receive this wonderful publication and the generous samples of formula? Best I can figure, my information was sold to Enfamil when I went shopping at Motherhood Maternity for --- (wait for it) --- nursing bras.

There has to be some irony in that.