To the Back of the Class

So, there is this radio commercial that irks me every time it comes on. It starts with the sound of a band playing the last notes of some processional music, cuts to a microphone giving feedback, and a principal-type voice/announcer announcing the year-end class awards for what one assumes is a high school. Then, every single academic award is won by one individual. The commercial is for the Goddard School, and it annoys the ever-living crap out of me on many levels.

First, I hate that it suggests that all a child needs to succeed in school is placement in a pricey environment (and yes, it's pricey - full disclosure - my older son went there for several months as a baby). Every child has their own unique way of learning, and no one school (or daycare center) can meet every child's needs.

Second, I hate the fact the commercial suggests the main measure of a child (or parents) is how many awards they win. Towards the end of the commercial, the announcer says, "Mr. and Mrs. Conner, you must be so proud." And that gives away, for me at least, what one of the messages of the commercial is: If you spend gobs of money on a pricey school, you will have a child you can showcase like a trophy and you can be proud of them. Yes, I get that is was just a commercial trying to sell a daycare center and it was all made up, but in that fictional world, shouldn't the other parents also have been proud? Shouldn't the parents of Tommy, who struggled and compensated for dyslexia, also be proud of their son, even if he didn't win any awards?

Third, I hate this type of commercial and the marketing that preys on the insecurities of parents everywhere. "If I want to give my child an edge, I have to spend the money on a pricey preschool instead of opting for one that is more in my price range." Or "I'm a bad parent if I don't stimulate my kids every second of the day and always nurture their learning potential." Kids thrive in a variety of environments, but most will eventually fall apart if they are in a hothouse. I hate this commercial for the same reason I hate products like "Baby Einstein" - they stoke parental insecurities and suggest that parents need to push their kids along rather than meet them where they are. The name of the brand alone - Baby Einstein - suggests that if you want your kid to be smart, you NEED to get them this product! (But might I remind you, the real baby Einstein, yeah, Albert Einstein - he didn't watch seizure-inducing videos while growing up. So there.)

And lastly, fourth, I hate that this commercial is so stupid. I mean, it implies that a Goddard education will create children who succeed brilliantly. So, then, why is this one girl getting all of the awards? Weren't there any other kids in her Goddard class? Didn't any of them make to adolescence? Or did she and her overachieving insecure parents pick them off, one by one, so she could hoard all the awards?

Makes you wonder what they might be teaching...