The Baby Borrowers, Episode 2

Intro. We get a short recap of the first episode. Mr. Announcer Man gives the lowdown about the teens and the situation. Then he tells us that “5 families handed over their most precious thing of all.” People handed over their Wii’s to these teens???!?? Oh, you meant their kids. Sorry, my bad. We’re re-introduced to the usual suspects. Kelsey and Sean, she being the one who wants kids early, he wanting her to fall flat on her face so that she’ll quit with the baby talk. Morgan and Daton, who decided that going on this reality show was the way to save their on-again, off-again relationship (because this kind of thinking works out for most couples, right?). Sasha and Jordan, out to prove to the world that they can do this. Cory and Alicea, who “loved the idea of having babies young, just like their own parents.” You know, after Alicea’s stellar display in the last episode, I’m not sure she should be the poster child for children raised by young parents. Just saying. And last, but not least, Austin and Kelly. More recrapping follows. Blah, blah, blah. Then credits and, at last, the show.

It’s 3:14 in the morning and Cory is awakened by a crying Karson, while Alicea continues to get her beauty sleep (insert your joke here). Cut to the sun rising with Cory still taking care of Karson while Alicea stays in la-la land. Good times, ya’ll. Mr. Annoucer Man voiceovers that one teen from each couple will have to go to work today. We see Morgan and Daton in bed with Morgan asking Daton not to go to work. Oh Morgan, if only it were that easy. Alicea continues to display the winning attitude that will garner her the “Mother of the Year” award as she shows an inability and lack of desire to mix up cereal for baby Karson. Poor kid – he’s going to have serious feeding issues if he stays around Alicea any longer. That and a complete potty mouth.

Sean and Kelsey. Kelsey is not feeling well and asks Sean to stay home with her and baby Etta. While I feel for Kelsey, one of the realities of parenthood is that you really don’t get time off. I remember when my own son was 4.5 months old and both Scott and I got the stomach flu – Two days of sheer misery compounded by having to take care of an infant. Thank goodness Ian was (and is) such a boobaholic – it made taking care of him soo much easier.

Mr. Announcer Man (hereafter referred to as Mr. AM) tells us that each teen worker will earn $100 per day, with which they have to buy food and pay rent. Ouch. Cut to Karson crying as Cory attempts to feed him. Karson’s mom, watching all of this via video, states that there is no way she is going to allow Karson to spend the whole day alone with Alicea. Lucky for Karson (and his mama), Alicea has decided to go to work, leaving Cory at home with the baby. Has anyone warned Alicea’s employer about the baby that will be coming to work for them? Over at Sean and Kelsey’s, both of them are staying home, forgoing the princely sum of $100. Oh, Kelsey. And you thought your stomach hurts right now. Just wait until it’s completely empty because there’s no money for food.

The jobs! Austin is working at a “feed and pet store.” Jordan is employed at a vet hospital. We see that one of his first assignments was pulling maggots out of a rabbit’s butt. That job sounds infinitely better than having to deal with either Alicea or Kelly. Daton’s working at a coffee shop. And Alicea? She’s working at a lumber yard, and having considerable trouble stapling boards together. Insert your own dumb-as-a-post joke here.

Sean and Kelsey’s. Kelsey appears quite upset and could probably use a pep talk and some cheering up. Instead, she gets a visit from Etta’s mom, Natalie. *sigh* You know, I realize that this is a learning experience and all, but was it really necessary for Natalie to come over and give poor Kelsey the reality kick-in-the-head when the girl is already down? Having Natalie give Kelsey an inspirational talk about child-rearing is like having Naomi Campbell give a talk about anger management.

Kelly, amazingly enough, is doing well with baby Zachary. Perhaps it’s because he can speak her language? Kelly relates that she was in daycare as a baby, and she feels that she is more connected as stay-at-home-mom with Zachary than she was with her own mom. She has been with this kid for all of maybe 2 days and she is more connected with him than her mom because her mom put her in daycare. Um, okay. Zachary’s parents are watching and his mom says, jokingly, “Don’t get too attached, he’s our kid.” Heh. Why am I having flashes of “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle?”

Kelly and Cory decide to take their infants to a nearby park. Karson, apparently relaxed now that he is out of the house that Alicea screeches in, makes a poopy diaper. Kelly offers instruction to Cory on how to change the diaper. We are treated to scenes of Karson’s blurred out bum being wiped by a clearly disgusted Cory. In his amazing wisdom, Cory shares with us that a poopy diaper “is just like throw up.” Really? I’m afraid to find out what you’ve been eating, Cory. “I gagged so much from it. Just the smell of it, the look of it, it just makes me sick.” Yeah, and the rest of us treat a poopy diaper like fine art.

Five o’clock. The worker teens go home. Austin and Kelly have a cute scene where they kiss and reconnect with each other. Cory and Alicea? Not so much. Cory appears to be attempting to give Alicea an ultimatum about her needing to do more with Karson. As can be expected, that goes swimmingly. Daton comes home and says that he wants to go to a skate park. Morgan replies that she wants to come too; she and Miley will walk around on the edge of the park. Daton seems just thrilled with the idea and tries to convince Morgan to stay home with Miley, but it doesn’t work. In an interview, Daton tells us that he has only worked 8 hours in a day “like, 5 days in my life.” What a difficult life you lead.

It’s nighttime. The clock at Cory and Alicea’s shows us it is 1:46 in the morning as we hear baby Karson start to cry. Cory tells Alicea to go get Karson because he was up with Karson the night before and is tired. Predictably, Alicea stays in bed and Cory has to go get Karson. He brings him to the bed and entertains Karson with the lights on while Alicea continues to snooze. In an interview, Cory states: “Right now, I don’t know who is more difficult to deal with out of Alicea and Karson.” In Karson’s defense, at least he has a decent excuse for acting like a baby.

Morning. Alicea (who remarkably looks much better without makeup) is not wanting to go to work. She wants Cory to go , complaining that she is getting blisters on her feet and they hurt. Well, pop the suckers and get your ass back to work! I don’t think Workman’s Comp covers for blisters. Cory, pushover that he is, gets up and starts packing a lunch for himself as Alicea asks how to mix baby cereal. When a half-dead Cory doesn’t answer her, she has the balls to bitch about him. Cory, my man, take your balls back and RUN!

Sean and Kelsey’s. Mr. AM says that following her “heart-to-heart” with Etta’s mom, Kelsey has decided the best way to be a parent is to go to work. Snerk. What did I say about Natalie’s pep talk? Sean, helpfully, says to Kelsey, “Don’t get fired.” Wow, between Natalie’s pep talk and Sean’s optimism, Kelsey must be full of warm fuzzies.

The stay-at-home moms and dads gather up the kiddoes and head over to The Little Gym. We are treated to the sight of a clearly uncomfortable Sean sitting on the floor with Etta. He looks like he is having flashbacks of every single gym class during which they had to play dodgeball and he forgot to dodge. Morgan is not feeling the class. She remarks about how the other parents were so into it and she wasn’t. Heh. I guess someone’s not drinking the kool-aid (my guess is that Mr. Daton drank it all).

Surprise! One parent of one teen in each couple shows up unannounced. Sean’s mom, Sherry, giddily hugs him after he opens the door, while Sean looks like he has no idea who this crazy woman standing on the doorstep is. I think he’s still dealing with those dodgeball flashbacks. Myra, Sasha’s mother, surprises Sasha and Jordan. We are treated to a happy reunion between mom and daughter. Morgan’s reunion with her mother, Leisa is decidedly more low-key. Morgan looks like she would rather get a hug from a 20-foot-long boa constrictor than her mother. I just noticed that Morgan looks an awful lot like Kelly Clarkson. At this moment, she looks an awful lot like Kelly Clarkson getting a surprise visit from Simon Cowell. Morgan asks how long her mother is there for – 3 hours. Morgan does not seem happy.

Alicea’s mother has dropped in on the happy couple. Her mom asks her, “Do you want to have baby now?” Alicea responds, “Yeah, but my own.” Her mom replies that Alicea’s child may not be “chill” and may have colic. I am not in the least bit surprised when she passes on the tidbit that Alicea, as an infant, “was just a pain in the biggest ass.” Heh. Corey makes a sound indicating that Alicea still is the biggest pain in the ass. Alicea complains that they have a sucky job and a kid who won’t stop crying. Alicea’s mom gives her a dose of reality about how things don’t always go the way you want them to. Yeah, Cory could write you a book about that one.

Sasha’s mom, Myra, gushes about how proud she is of Sasha and Jordan for being as mature as they are. She talks about how close she and Sasha are and how much she misses her. Less Mommy dear and more Mommy Dearest, we cut to Morgan and her mom, Leisa, as Leisa asks why Morgan isn’t excited to see her. Emotional maturity appears to be a strong suit with this family. Guess who said the next line: “I came here to be real. If you are not willing to open up to me and express how you feel, then forget it.” If you guessed Leisa, the actual mommy, you get 5 points!! Morgan responds, “No Mom! Why don’t you ask me about my life or what’s going on with me?” “Ok, what’s going on with you?” Seriously, I’m having a hard time figuring out which one is the mom and which one is the kid. Outside the house, Leisa interviews that she doesn’t know how Morgan is feeling because Morgan isn’t telling her. Um, I’m going to guess that Morgan is seriously pissed off at her mom right then, and I didn’t even have to consult a Magic 8 Ball to figure it out. I am feeling bad for Morgan at this moment. And pissed off that I’m feeling bad for any of these teens.

Morning. The infants will be returned to their parents this morning. Kelly says that she hopes she will be able to see Zachary again in a couple of years. I’m telling you, unhealthy attachments…little Zachary is going to have to go into Witness Protection or something. We next see the happy reunions. And 'i have to say, sap that I have become, I find myself tearing up. But then, Wiley and Leslie, Miley’s parents, decide to give Morgan advice about her relationship with her mom. Buh-bye tears! Wiley spouts some nonsense about Morgan wanting and/or needing her mom when it comes time to give birth, and I find myself thinking: Wiley, dude? Ok, one, you’re a dude, so please don’t lecture Morgan about what she will or will not need when it’s time to give birth, m’kay? Two, you got to see Morgan with her mom for all of 3 hours, if that, and suddenly you’re the expert on them and what needs to happen? Geez, I know we get wisdom from raising kids, but we don’t suddenly get the power to see into the past and future, ok? So quit with the annoying giving of advice about things you know nothing about. That’s MY profession!

Kelly and Austin get props from Zachary’s parents, as Sasha and Jordan get them from Shay’s parents. Cory and Alicea? Not so much. The words “selfish” and “angry” are thrown around. But it doesn’t seem as though Alicea is really comprehending any of it. *sigh*

Chet and Debbie Downer, er, Natalie, reclaim Etta from Kelsey and Sean. They do a great job squashing poor Kelsey’s self-esteem further into the ground. Mission accomplished, they take Etta with them off into the sunset.

And that concludes the infant portion of NBC’s grand experiment. Breathe a sigh of relief that no one died, was maimed, or otherwise permanently harmed. Except for possibly, poor wee Karson. Someone get that kid a lollipop!